This is the fifth post in the Leadership Lessons series — drawn from two decades as an international rugby referee and work now supporting leaders through complex transformation and cultural change.
In elite sport, mistakes are visible. There’s no replay delay for a referee — if you miss something, the whole stadium sees it. And often, the players know it before you do.
You feel the weight of it in real time — the pressure, the expectation, the loneliness. Because make no mistake: refereeing is leadership. You’re the one expected to hold steady, make the call, and set the tone — even when the crowd is roaring and everything’s moving at pace.
And that’s no different to leading in business. The boardroom, the team meeting, the video call — these are just different arenas. The spotlight is still there. The expectations are high. And even when you’re surrounded by others, it can feel like you’re standing there alone, with a call to make.
What you do in that moment — that’s what matters most.
Because no leader is immune to error. But the ones who build trust over time aren’t the ones who never get it wrong. They’re the ones who recover well, who own the miss, who stay in the moment without spiralling.
The Real Work Begins After the Mistake
There’s a moment, just after the stumble, where everything can go either way. You can double down and defend. Or you can breathe, acknowledge it, and move forward with clarity.
In my experience — on the field and in leadership teams — it’s not the mistake that costs the most. It’s the reaction to the mistake. That flash of defensiveness. The retreat into silence. The slow erosion of confidence because no one named what everyone could feel.
Resilience isn’t bounce-back. It’s stay-with. It’s being able to sit with the uncomfortable — the regret, the tension, the uncertainty — and still show up.
When You Own It, Others Can Too
When leaders take responsibility for their missteps — without self-flagellation or excuse — it gives others permission to do the same.
I’ve had to do it many times. A quiet acknowledgement to a captain: “I missed that one.” Or simply: “I got that wrong.” And sometimes, when it’s clear and unambiguous: “That one’s on me.”
It doesn’t erase the moment. But it builds something stronger than control. It builds trust.
In organisations, the same holds true. Teams don’t expect perfection. But they do expect honesty. When mistakes are owned with steadiness and transparency, people don’t lose faith — they find it.
Learning Isn’t Always Immediate — And That’s Okay
We often talk about learning from mistakes as if the lesson is instant and obvious.
Sometimes it is. But more often, learning is layered. It comes after reflection. After feedback. After a night’s sleep or a quiet walk.
What matters is not how fast we process the mistake — but whether we create the space to do it at all.
That space might sound like:
- “Here’s where I think I missed it — and what I’ll do next time.”
- “I’ve been sitting with that conversation. Can we revisit it?”
- “I don’t have the answer yet — but I’m staying with it.”
And that last one matters a lot — because leadership isn’t about always having the answers. In fact, the best leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers — they’re the ones asking the questions that matter. Questions that open up insight, invite input, and help people move forward together.
Mistakes Are Not the Opposite of Leadership — They’re Part of It
Some of the most powerful leadership I’ve seen has come from a place of imperfection. Not from avoiding error, but from what follows after it.
- A shift in how someone listens.
- A change in how a team debriefs.
- A renewed commitment to clarity, or care, or context.
These aren’t admissions of failure — they’re signs of growth.
A Question to Sit With
Think back to a recent mistake — big or small.
What did your reaction teach you about your own leadership?
Did you go quiet? Defensive? Did you lean in? Did you take time to process before acting?
And maybe more importantly: What might you try differently next time?
